For years, I’ve compared job hunting and dating. It may sound weird at first, but consider all they have in common. Both you and the hiring manager are looking for a long-term relationship. (Or not. Sometimes, it can be pretty one-sided.) You’re both on your best behavior during the first date, trying to read the other party’s body language and say what they want to hear. You get dressed up in your best look, show up early, and send a warm “so glad to have met you” message after.
You wait eagerly by the phone for them to call. You follow up in what you hope looks like a casual way, when you’re actually miserable and anxious, hoping that the hiring manager thinks you’re “the one.” And if you do get the offer, you feel like Cinderella. Both you and Prince Charming – er, the hiring manager – promise you’ll live happily ever after together.
Sound familiar?
Here’s why that analogy is important: it shows you how we romanticize the interview process. It’s easy for both sides to be so hopeful for the relationship to work that they ignore red flags. Here are some issues that you’d never put up with from a date that you’re willing to overlook for the prospect of a great job and salary.
They treat you poorly on the first date. If an employer sets a time and place for an interview, then keeps you waiting for 20 minutes (or more) before coming out to get you, that’s a signal of either indifference or poor organization. Both are bad signs. Keeping you waiting is a power play designed to make sure you know who’s more important. The only way this is not a red flag is if you’re greeted immediately and told there’s a true emergency that will delay the meeting. But generally, if your interview were as important to them as it is to you, they’d be ready to go at exactly the time you set.
By the way, this goes for late candidates, too. You don’t keep the man / women (or person) of your dreams waiting. You show up 20 minutes early and circle the block until you’re right on time.
They invited you but expect you to pay. Some employers ask candidates to perform work for them so they can see how you’d perform on the job. Of course this work is unpaid, no matter how many hours it takes you to accomplish. Be wary if you’re a creative or marketing professional who is asked to deliver samples; it’s not unheard of for employers to gather marketing campaigns, creative briefs, and strategy plans, then decide to hire internally or decide not to fill the role at all. They get free ideas, and you get… the experience of providing free ideas.
Generally, a work assignment should only come after a second interview and be brief enough that you don’t feel like you should have been paid. You can also elect to provide a paper version that you can take with you so you retain the rights to your work product.
They ghost you after a great first date. The meeting went great. You’re sure you felt a connection. You sent a warm and grammatically correct thank you within 12 hours. And you wait. If an employer says they’re going to call or notify you within a week, you should get some kind of communication within that week. And if they’re not returning your calls, take it as a clear “not interested.” Don’t chase a company if they’re not willing to be considerate enough to stay in touch.
Remember that this is the courtship period – the time that you and the employer are on your best behavior. If they’re raising red flags now, when they’re still interested in you and thinking you might be “the one”, how will they treat you when they’re sure they have you?
For another look at what you can learn about the job search from dating apps, here’s a great New York Times article.
Published by